Hello blog, it's been awhile.
I must admit the past 2.5 weeks has been quite a trip for me, spiritually and emotionally. I'm not one who's very eloquent with words or deep in thought. I have primitive emotions and I've realized that breaking out of my kid immature mentality is suddenly a lot more difficult.
I believe a lot of my confusion probably came from shame. I sought and yearned so much to find common ground and became so overconfident that as a result, my pride and ignorance created a bastard child known as idolatry. Although in my head, I always convinced myself that indeed the Gospel was enabling me to love and to try and live in love, my love and focus was straying more and more away from God. When it came down to it, the only thing I really truly have in common with her is that we are both sinners. Without even realizing it, I found myself building a fragile foundation out of failed attempts to make impressions and really, just proving how much more I needed to grow.
Thank God sooo much for Harbor and young adults. For older brothers who calmly read me like books and rebuking and teaching me so much. For younger brothers and sisters whose hearts to serve have encouraged me to try and serve more.
" I Will be Happy when..."
This series has challenged me to no end. Ive stubbornly tried to play it off, but I now realize that God has been trying to speak me to constantly. Bottom line is that in my heart, I was not truly convinced that all that God had provided me with thus far was really sufficient. Gotta keep truckin and replace all that dumb anxiety with grateful prayer.
-Fine tune the mind and seek peace from the Divine-
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